Friday, April 04, 2003
1. Take a small frying pan, no more than eight inches in diameter. Your Le Creuset one is fine, but better yet is that battered old thing that's been at the back of the cupboard for yonks.
2. Drop approximately 70g of lard into your pan. Olive oil and anything lo-fat are for sissies. They will not do.
3. Place your pan on a low heat – Gas Mark 2 should just about do it. (Note: you can try this on your electric hob, but the results just aren't worth it. Invest in a gas cooker today. You will thank me for it tomorrow.)
4. Take four good old English sausages - Wall's Thick Pork and Beef are the best – and pierce them lightly. For the sake of this dish, gourmet sausages such as Creole Smokey, or Wild Boar with Calvados, are to be treated with sneering contempt.
5. As the lard slowly starts to splutter, gently slide said sausages into the pan. They will bubble and burble for a few seconds and then settle down.
6. Leave for twenty minutes, only returning to roll the sausages over in the sizzling fat.
7. In the meantime, spread a thick layer of Anchor New Zealand butter onto four slices of processed white bread. The loaf must be the thinnest-sliced and cheapest brand available. On no account cut off the crusts.
8. After twenty minutes, take the sausages off the heat and slice lengthwise. Using a fork, squash the sausages down onto two slices, so that the fat and the melting butter start to ooze through the bread. Do not even think of adding ketchup, mustard or any other condiments.
9. Cover with the other slices, and press hard, before cutting each sandwich into four pieces, approximately three inches square.
10. Pile onto a chipped plate which is just a little too small. Serve.
Do this even halfway properly and I am yours for Life.